rants about education, piles of homework, spring allergies, and politics...

Four weeks, it is a countdown to the APs and everyone around me is scrambling. Yeah pretty crazy. So my friend in AP chemistry read this article this weekend and we got onto a rant about the UC and private college system.

Yu has a 4.2 grade-point average and nine Advanced Placement courses on her résumé, along with a healthy lineup of activities including swimming. She applied to five colleges, four in the University of California system: Berkeley, Los Angeles, Davis and her favorite, San Diego. Her fifth application went to a state college, California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo.

Three weeks ago, the rejections started coming. In the end, there were five.

I seriously am through with worrying about what I do to make my college app look good. I am just trying to accomplish goals for myself. And you know if stupid UC Berkeley or UC whatever does not take me, I won't die. I can still survive and go to damn community college if I have to because it is about my career, not about the college brand. The only thing that is disappointing is trying to convince my parents about that. But I am tired of this whole working off our asses for a stupid college and has no personal contact with you and only sees you through a piece of paper that you pore your four years into. Since when did going to college and get an education become such a competition. It is ridiculous. Augh. And makes me pissed off when people who get A's in regular classes have higher GPAs than me because I work my ass off to get a fucking B in AP Language and Composition, AND I AM VERY PROUD OF THAT B++!!! for once in my life.

Though I must rant about my ap english teacher assigning us a new writing project (seven different DRAFTS) and piling on the homework when I have a million other things to worry about. SATs in like two/three weeks. GAHHH. And AP Chemistry is like so-so. Bunches of quizzes and tests. And those stupid mandatory California STAR testing is coming up. What a waste of my life.

And spring allergies. I hate them. I hate living in Sacramento during spring season because everyone is sneezing all over the place and hacking up hairballs. And your throat and ears itch like crazy and everyone is all red-eyed like they are high but it is really because the wind has dried out their contacts. So through my first two periods, I am usually conked out by my allergy medicine that makes me drowsy as hell.

And so I have been very oblivious to politics for the last couple weeks. But so what is up with Tibet. Can the Chinese not let go of the Tibetans? I suppose not. I mean before Tibet was just a mountain barrier protector during the times of Chinese imperialism, but those days are over. But with mass industrialization, they are trying to build cities into Tibet and even have tourists in Tibetan region to watch the Tibetans like monkeys. It is really sad. I was reading an article on Global Voices about Chinese bloggers/neitzens slandering this overseas Chinese woman (actually from Hong Kong) and she sided with the Free Tibet side at Duke University in AMERICA. And here is the slander the bloggers replied about her (translated to English):

"Are her parents still in China? Are her parents still even Chinese? If they're still Chinese, tomorrow I'm going to go jump in a manure pit and drown myself."

"If this is for real
I'm going to put the words “race traitor” up on all her relatives' doors
Then her whole family will be called race traitors"

"Notify China Customs, that if they see her, get her right away, and if she still has family, find them, and beat their shameless children to death, so they don't hurt the Chinese people."

Pretty crazy right? A lot of people are probably not aware of this really big issue in China right now. It is pretty hectic. And the effect of it on the Beijing Olympics. The SF Olympic torch running was horrible. There were reports of SABOTAGE by terrorists and everything. They even put a freaking FREE TIBET BANNER ON SF BRIDGE. HOW CRAZY IS THAT. I am surprised that the Tibetan issue is getting more public attention than the Darfur-China. I suppose because of the Chinese nationalists are so quick to fight against the Free Tibetans.


I have such spring fever. Sick of school, sick of friends, sick of family, sick of everyone. Just want to curl in a little ball and sleep forever.

--christina.

feelings of spring.

The weather hasn't been very springy, but I have slight allergies lately. Which I hate! But spring is around the corner. It really is.

My parody for Catcher in the Rye for our English AP 11 assignment.

So if you really want to know, I am supposed to write a parody about Catcher in the Rye, and I have to write it on any subject that Holden would find "thought-provoking". Like anything Holden thinks about is "thought-provoking". For one thing, he talks about sex for like a thousand pages in the book and he doesn't even do it! I mean do you remember the part where he gets a freaking prostitute in his grubby hotel room and he just ends up being emotional like a girl and doesn't want to do it. Yeah you probably don't remember. But anyway, Holden makes me mad. Do you want to know why? Because he is a whiny baby that is why. He whines about his "lousy" childhood and his boo-hoo life and him failing like every freaking school he goes to but who gives a crap. I mean think about everyone else in the world. They have worse lives than him for chrissakes and he is some sniffy little upper-side rich kid from New York with a fancy apartment back home and at least he can afford to smoke a couple packs a day. Think about the bums who can barely beg for a smoke. They probably have to like pick up little cigarette stubs that people drop and try and smoke that. Holden shouldn't even be smoking anyway. He is only like sixteen. What kind of mother raises her child to be like that. Bad mothers that is for sure. Well there are bad mothers everywhere. Sometimes I even think my own mother is a bad mother. Maybe it is just because she is my mother. But Holden, the way he goes on about people is damn annoying. The one thing that really grinds my gears i when he talks about phonies. If there ever was a phony, Holden sure is one. He is one of those phonies who label every single person a phony and acts just like a phony, you would what I mean?Those kinds of phonies are especially the worst. First he labels his roommate a phony, the girl he used to like a phony, his mom, his teacher, etc. Pretty much everyone is a phony to him. even he is a phony. in fact he is the biggest phony. but I can understand what he means by a phony. Except the phonies I see are the ones who spend day and night worrying about their future, spending most of their time on homework, always trying to work the system and get to a good school, and always trying to be number one. Those kinds of phonies I hate the most. But I am one of them. Except I am not a very good phony like them. I am smart, but not very smart. But don't those phonies every realize, we just gotta live life. Like we just have to take a breath of fresh air. Like we don't have to worry too much about the future. Like that we can actually enjoy learning. Maybe that is just me. And maybe I am just crazy like that. That I actually enjoy not being number one as long as I learn just as much. But sometimes I wonder how many people see how phony I am. And maybe I am just crazy like that. But who really cares? People just acre about themselves. And sometimes they should. And sometimes they shouldn't. I mean if no one cared for each other, what would happen to the world? Something would for sure. Something would for sure. Only God knows what. And that thought itself is a little bit scary. Maybe just a little.

New Video with TOP
"IM SORRY" - Gummy ft. TOP



TOP is quite hot but yes another lame Korean music video. Disappointing ending. Korean people need new ideas for cool videos.

--christina.

allergy season, i can feel it in the wind.

I finally ordered my boutiner (sp?). I decided cream with gold ribbon to match my dress. So no prom worries except for asking for extra money from my parents. Every time I bring up the subject of prom my mom gets very huffy and puffy. She just gets mad I am spending money but I rarely spent any money. I feel worse because I didn't spend that much money compared to my date. I feel bad just for asking money for paying for my AP tests. And I am only spending $15 because I got the reduced amount because I get free lunch. But still taking three AP tests. When my mom gave me the money she just gave me another lecture how I better do well because of the money I waste. When it comes to talk to my parents about school, it gives me a headache. It makes me want to hyperventilate. Just thinking about the stress makes it hard for me to breathe. I get very annoyed of the lectures my parents give me about my education. I know I am not numero uno in the class or even close to top ten, but I try. I have been feeling very stupid lately. I can't even get an A in Spanish 3. I feel like a loser. It is very depressing.

Anyways. So we just read Catcher in the Rye in AP English 11 and it is a pretty interesting book. I can relate to Holden to some extent but I really hated how critical he was about everyone around him. What gives him the right to call everyone "phonies" ? But I think he is a pretty interesting character. It is a hilarious read at some moments. But I think one line that stood out to me particulary at the moment I was reading was when Holden is describing this old museum he used to go to all the time when he was a kid. The museum never changed but

...the only thing that would be different would be you. Not that you'd be so much older or anything. It wouldnt be that, exactly. you'd just be different, that's all. You'd have an overcoat on this time. Or..you'd have a substitute taking the class, instead of Miss Algetinger...Or you'd just passed by one of those puddles in the street with gasoline rainbows in them. I mean you'd be different in some way--I can't explain what I mean. And even if I could, I'm not sure I'd feel like it.

Do I have a place like that? A place where time has stopped still and left it as it is but the only thing that has changed is me? Haha. That of course reminds me of the story of where I saw my old house with my mom and it wasn't the same. The house I had grown up for almost five years (not long but seems long) during my adolescence was gone. It was still there. But the new owners had changed it to a place that did not look like home to me. It was quite sad. Like a part of me had died. Like Holden I can't explain what it meant when I saw my house that was no longer mine. It was like I felt that though I had forgotten that house, that past, and the memories. They were still there and I excepted them to remain the same. But unlike Holden, I don't have a place that stays the same. But I do have a home. That is what Holden didn't have. I have a place to call home.

And gasoline rainbows. I kind of know what he meant. I think it is a really unique way to describe it though. Have you ever seen puddles made by gasoline from those gas pipes on the bottom of cars? Well of course because of the light and all that reflective crap, it makes rainbows in the gasoline. I remember seeing those. I remember when rainbows were actually magical. When I was fascinated by them and I wondered what luck it could bring me by seeing one. Haha I remember that day a week or so back that Sacramento had some rain, and that big rainbow came out. It was the hugest rainbow I had seen. My sister was like "wow, that was amazing". But guess what. I ruined it. I was like "yeah well rainbows are actually not magical, they are made from blah blah blah". WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME. WHERE HAS MY CHILDHOOD GONE? WHERE HAS MY SENSE OF IMAGINATION GONE? I am slowly becoming a lifeless being who only breathes and lives by trying to have good grades, who looks like a perfect being on the outside, who is trying to please everyone, at the same time trying to please herself by trying to fit herself into an ideal. I am a sad child. But don't worry. I am fine. I am normal. I am still on ground. Though I can worry up a storm. There are those few moments when I know I am enjoying myself and I can enjoy that moment without worry. Only those few moments to myself is when I begin to worry. Just being by myself can be scary. Then everything rushes into my mind.


But yeah I have been pretty tired this week. I feel asleep the last two nights reading Catcher in the Rye to try and finish it before the Socratic Seminar today. Even though I went to bed considerably early at 10pm. I still felt tired. And today I sacrificed my sleeping in to take that EAP test. It was pretty easy but I need sleep. And next week I have to do AP US and AP English full length ap practice tests on the days we get to "sleep in" if we are not taking CASHEE testing but I won't be sleeping in. And AP Chem is having labs both those mornings so I have to copy labs from people. AUGH. I am dying. Cheer me up someone. :[ ...JR prom better knock my socks off and make me happy.

sorry for the long ass tired rant.

--CHRISTINA WANTS SPRING BREAK NOW!