failure is not in MY DICTIONARY.

Yeah to QUOTE PACHIA:

"why does it feel like whether i fail or succeed, in the next couple of weeks, is going to define the rest of my life?! i hate that. pressure about school just does that too you."

If I can get make and SURVIVE up until MAY 14th, I CAN SUCCEED. Just gotta keep going. Gotta KEEP ROOLLLLING. I cannot lose stride. I cannot give up. I cannot get down with the spring fever and fail to lose control. But it has been happening. But I won't let it happen to me. I was keeping on top of it, but this week... was one of those weeks. I was doing homework up until WEDNESDAY. Downhill from there. But yeah I have been studying AP US History (pats self on back) and I have been trying. But you know, MAY is the worst time of the year. Everyone is tired and drowsy. Everyone is freaking sneezing and red-eyed (in sacramento) because of allergies. Everyone is WAITING for summer to come. Everyone is counting down the days.

SO EVERYONE, lets do it. Lets make it. Lets end the year with a

BANG BANG BANG!!!!

If I can do it, you can do it.

And to quote MELANIE

"I'd rather be upset that I worked hard and didn't get what I wanted than regret that I didn't put all my effort into things when I still had the time. Everything is going to pay off one day and even though we're complaining now, this is all going to be worth it."

It is going to be worth it. After AP testing, sweet days of bliss will follow. After that all my classes will be easy breezy. Anyways, why is it the worst things but the best things happen? So I was trying to convince myself that this month, I WILL BE SOCIAL HERMIT. I will turn on the "nerd" button and study study study, like I should. But last week, I was feeling emo and a loser because I was a social hermit last weekend. But when I try a social hermit, people bring back out and tempt to go out and fill up my social calendar. NO NO NO. Sadly to say, I am totally busy and driving myself crazy. Tomorrow is finally LUAWOW for our Pacific Islander's Club (though I am not a pacific islander). It will be crazy fun and a great time. I hope we give a great performance. Yeah so I have tons of homework and I will be busy ALL SATURDAY. GREAAT.. Then next weekend, SATURDAY is SATs and SENIOR BALL which I was invited to. ACK. THE AGONY. It will be nice to party after taking a five hour test, but I AM FREAKING WORRIED about my attention span next week. Knowing me I will be like PARTY PARTY PARTY from Monday to SATURDAY!!! BUT I CAN't. We have those freaking lame California Standardized testing next week also so we get three half-days (yay) but I still have to stay after school till like 2 to do AP Chemistry and AP US study groups. Great.

Once it hits JUNE, I am going to JUUUUUUMMMP FOR JOY! I hope I inspired you to try and DO BETTER.

christina.

p.s. and my birthday is next wednesday and i dont even have time to celebrate. superduper crazy seventeen. whoot. bake me a cake.

rants about education, piles of homework, spring allergies, and politics...

Four weeks, it is a countdown to the APs and everyone around me is scrambling. Yeah pretty crazy. So my friend in AP chemistry read this article this weekend and we got onto a rant about the UC and private college system.

Yu has a 4.2 grade-point average and nine Advanced Placement courses on her résumé, along with a healthy lineup of activities including swimming. She applied to five colleges, four in the University of California system: Berkeley, Los Angeles, Davis and her favorite, San Diego. Her fifth application went to a state college, California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo.

Three weeks ago, the rejections started coming. In the end, there were five.

I seriously am through with worrying about what I do to make my college app look good. I am just trying to accomplish goals for myself. And you know if stupid UC Berkeley or UC whatever does not take me, I won't die. I can still survive and go to damn community college if I have to because it is about my career, not about the college brand. The only thing that is disappointing is trying to convince my parents about that. But I am tired of this whole working off our asses for a stupid college and has no personal contact with you and only sees you through a piece of paper that you pore your four years into. Since when did going to college and get an education become such a competition. It is ridiculous. Augh. And makes me pissed off when people who get A's in regular classes have higher GPAs than me because I work my ass off to get a fucking B in AP Language and Composition, AND I AM VERY PROUD OF THAT B++!!! for once in my life.

Though I must rant about my ap english teacher assigning us a new writing project (seven different DRAFTS) and piling on the homework when I have a million other things to worry about. SATs in like two/three weeks. GAHHH. And AP Chemistry is like so-so. Bunches of quizzes and tests. And those stupid mandatory California STAR testing is coming up. What a waste of my life.

And spring allergies. I hate them. I hate living in Sacramento during spring season because everyone is sneezing all over the place and hacking up hairballs. And your throat and ears itch like crazy and everyone is all red-eyed like they are high but it is really because the wind has dried out their contacts. So through my first two periods, I am usually conked out by my allergy medicine that makes me drowsy as hell.

And so I have been very oblivious to politics for the last couple weeks. But so what is up with Tibet. Can the Chinese not let go of the Tibetans? I suppose not. I mean before Tibet was just a mountain barrier protector during the times of Chinese imperialism, but those days are over. But with mass industrialization, they are trying to build cities into Tibet and even have tourists in Tibetan region to watch the Tibetans like monkeys. It is really sad. I was reading an article on Global Voices about Chinese bloggers/neitzens slandering this overseas Chinese woman (actually from Hong Kong) and she sided with the Free Tibet side at Duke University in AMERICA. And here is the slander the bloggers replied about her (translated to English):

"Are her parents still in China? Are her parents still even Chinese? If they're still Chinese, tomorrow I'm going to go jump in a manure pit and drown myself."

"If this is for real
I'm going to put the words “race traitor” up on all her relatives' doors
Then her whole family will be called race traitors"

"Notify China Customs, that if they see her, get her right away, and if she still has family, find them, and beat their shameless children to death, so they don't hurt the Chinese people."

Pretty crazy right? A lot of people are probably not aware of this really big issue in China right now. It is pretty hectic. And the effect of it on the Beijing Olympics. The SF Olympic torch running was horrible. There were reports of SABOTAGE by terrorists and everything. They even put a freaking FREE TIBET BANNER ON SF BRIDGE. HOW CRAZY IS THAT. I am surprised that the Tibetan issue is getting more public attention than the Darfur-China. I suppose because of the Chinese nationalists are so quick to fight against the Free Tibetans.


I have such spring fever. Sick of school, sick of friends, sick of family, sick of everyone. Just want to curl in a little ball and sleep forever.

--christina.

feelings of spring.

The weather hasn't been very springy, but I have slight allergies lately. Which I hate! But spring is around the corner. It really is.

My parody for Catcher in the Rye for our English AP 11 assignment.

So if you really want to know, I am supposed to write a parody about Catcher in the Rye, and I have to write it on any subject that Holden would find "thought-provoking". Like anything Holden thinks about is "thought-provoking". For one thing, he talks about sex for like a thousand pages in the book and he doesn't even do it! I mean do you remember the part where he gets a freaking prostitute in his grubby hotel room and he just ends up being emotional like a girl and doesn't want to do it. Yeah you probably don't remember. But anyway, Holden makes me mad. Do you want to know why? Because he is a whiny baby that is why. He whines about his "lousy" childhood and his boo-hoo life and him failing like every freaking school he goes to but who gives a crap. I mean think about everyone else in the world. They have worse lives than him for chrissakes and he is some sniffy little upper-side rich kid from New York with a fancy apartment back home and at least he can afford to smoke a couple packs a day. Think about the bums who can barely beg for a smoke. They probably have to like pick up little cigarette stubs that people drop and try and smoke that. Holden shouldn't even be smoking anyway. He is only like sixteen. What kind of mother raises her child to be like that. Bad mothers that is for sure. Well there are bad mothers everywhere. Sometimes I even think my own mother is a bad mother. Maybe it is just because she is my mother. But Holden, the way he goes on about people is damn annoying. The one thing that really grinds my gears i when he talks about phonies. If there ever was a phony, Holden sure is one. He is one of those phonies who label every single person a phony and acts just like a phony, you would what I mean?Those kinds of phonies are especially the worst. First he labels his roommate a phony, the girl he used to like a phony, his mom, his teacher, etc. Pretty much everyone is a phony to him. even he is a phony. in fact he is the biggest phony. but I can understand what he means by a phony. Except the phonies I see are the ones who spend day and night worrying about their future, spending most of their time on homework, always trying to work the system and get to a good school, and always trying to be number one. Those kinds of phonies I hate the most. But I am one of them. Except I am not a very good phony like them. I am smart, but not very smart. But don't those phonies every realize, we just gotta live life. Like we just have to take a breath of fresh air. Like we don't have to worry too much about the future. Like that we can actually enjoy learning. Maybe that is just me. And maybe I am just crazy like that. That I actually enjoy not being number one as long as I learn just as much. But sometimes I wonder how many people see how phony I am. And maybe I am just crazy like that. But who really cares? People just acre about themselves. And sometimes they should. And sometimes they shouldn't. I mean if no one cared for each other, what would happen to the world? Something would for sure. Something would for sure. Only God knows what. And that thought itself is a little bit scary. Maybe just a little.

New Video with TOP
"IM SORRY" - Gummy ft. TOP



TOP is quite hot but yes another lame Korean music video. Disappointing ending. Korean people need new ideas for cool videos.

--christina.