i feel good.

I found these videos off a recommendation from another blog I read. These videos make me feel good, even at 3:15 AM when I am trying to finish my private college applications (half way thru!!). I love that it is HIGH DEF. I love the cinematography. I love the REAL life expressions on people's faces. I love the questions. I love the feel, the music and the atmosphere for the video. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It is genius.

Fifty People One Question, made by Crush & Lovely Films.
They had an idea to ask one question to fifty people.

goals for break

1. finish private school apps before xmas
2. finish reading invisible man
3. do ap gov fall hw
4. do pre-cal, ap lit hw
5. read some books for pleasure
6. read some classics for ap lit
7. hang out with pachia & melanie
8. drama day with maggie
9. board game night
10. sleep a lot

what crazy teachers give hw during break? all my teachers except the teacher i ta for. no christmas spirit.

--christina

i'm not done yet.

• 12 page term paper on economic espionage

• Common App for Stanford
• finish reading FAUST!
• and do long form...
• SCHOLARSHIPSSSSS!!!!!

i thought winter break was going to feel good. but i dont think it's really going to feel any different, besides the fact that i'll be getting a lot more sleep than i've usually been getting for the past week.. doing i dont even know what-- nothing :|

i bombed my ap stats test today. however i did write a somewhat decent bill for our mock senate in government. and hamlet was good, yet at the same time i'm not sure i did so well on the hamlet test or the ap essay (which i don't think i'm EVER going to get over a 7 on). yearbook is as dramatic as it always has been.. blah, blah, i have two spreads to finish by the end of break. my mouse is acting reeeaallly irritating, but it must be because my computer just recovered from a deadly virus. not even the party-potlucks have felt nice today. the only thing that i actually did enjoy this week was watching Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead in english, which was awesome (although i probably would've never grasped it as deeply as i do now if my teacher didn't go over with us--and just because of that, even though it was good, it still makes me feel bad). Tom Stoppard is a geniuuuus (though)!

but aside from all that, i still have my senior project to do. which i guess isn't so bad... i'm just not feeling up to going to businesses and asking them for donations so i can put on my food sale. maybe i was just setting a goal to high for myself! 1) learning how to cook gourmet food 2) making a cookbook 3) putting on a food sale to benefit the hungry! everyone's just taking it easy, nobody really committed themselves to doing a lot, and now i wish i never had either. But i know i can't back down. besides, i have been thinking a lot about what i want to sell at the food sale.



my mom just bought new white plates and bowls, so i'm super excited; i want to take more pictures!!! i'm also going to the bakery with josie and her sister on monday, instead of the embassy, so i'm excited for that too :)

i'm running low on moneyyyyy because i've spent it all on gifts. i've already spent over $100. i bought tommy a cute pea-coat/coat, which, i'm glad, he loves; i bought josie these cute little sock/boots and a scarf from ae for secret santa; and i bought my mom and my sister and my lil brother gifts too, which all totaled up to over $80. today i also went to oldnavy and target and spent a bit more on my lil brother and my sister, which is fine, but i still have my dad and my brother and cousin and my other sister! and i only have so much more money in the bank. i also havent bought quite a few other people gifts either :| and bdays are coming up too :0 soo, i think i need to find a job. but everyone knows how that is these days...

HOLY CRAPP!!OPIU$)%&@)#% my mouse is retardeddddd. i'mmmmmm done. its friday. i want to watch a good movie :)

PACHIA!

my secret lion

I think senior year has definitely been a year of self-reflection. I am mentally preparing myself for a new stage of my life--adulthood. It is kind of scary to say that my next step is adulthood. To be eighteen and an "adult" seems really unnerving and scary. Even when I am 18, 19...21, I do not think I will be an adult yet.

I am having more self-reflecting moments because of English. In English, we read an essay in our book called The Secret Lion by Alberto Alvaro Rios. It is set in the POV of a boy who hits junior high. He reflects on the moments he and his best friend had in their childhood summers and how they became disillusioned and had to grow up. He talks about that weird middle school period (yes we all know that period) where girls are different, you feel different, adults always scold you when you do not know things, and adults assume you are supposed to know certain things but no one taught you those things.

The story was kind of disheartening because it made us realize how in one year, in one second, it was like a carpet was pulled from underneath us. One year, we reach a certain period and adults pull that carpet, that security blanket from underneath us and tell us "okay now it is the time to grow up and now you should know how everything in the world should work". It really doesn't make sense, but it happens. I wake up one day, 17 and half, still a teenager, a child, but I am pushed towards being an adult, to make my own decisions, fill out my own forms, remember my social security number, etc. I had to do it on my own and no one taught me how. And if I asked a question, I was scolded as if I should know. Well I don't know.

The story is called the secret lion because the boy says the lion is there and it just appeared and he can't really explain where and how it got there but it happened. That is the secret lion.

So after that story, my teacher asked us to remember when our secret lion moment happened and I tried to remember, but I really couldn't. I know it happened but I didn't have a moment in time where I saw the secret lion. I could say it was sixth grade. When girls and boys started to like each other. I liked boys but I did not want a boyfriend. But it just started happening and I just had to go with the flow and sixth grade was really disheartening and scary because everyone was trying to grow up so fast for no reason. I think that is when I had my secret lion moment.

I am a little more depressed thinking about how I have to grow up after watching Peter Pan on tv. I really love that movie but now I come to understand it a little more watching it at my age. The whole struggle of you either have to learn how to be an adult to enjoy those adult feelings of love and family or you have to remain a child. It is a really bad ultimatum. I was really sad that Peter Pan lacked the whole family and love all because he didn't want to grow up. It was sooo sadddd to me. Why can't he have a family and love and still not grow up? BECAUSE SOCIETY WORKS IN HORRIBLE WAYS AND YOU CAN ONLY HAVE ONE. I want to be greedy and have it all and not grow up. But life doesn't work that way.

I stay home for one day without anything to do and this is what television does to me. Make me depressed about how life works. Thanks tv.

To be happy, just look at Jeremy Sumpter. Where is this kid? I hate how good kid actors just disappear after one good movie. I loved both the lead kid actors. They were great. Overall, this was a great Peter Pan movie. It was done really well and you feel sympathy for Captain Hook too. Though the kid sexual tension between the two is a little much. But it is cute.

He is still hot now.



<3

--ck.

my last multicultural.

Friday, December 05, 2008 was my last multicultural show. My second and my last. I was very sad afterwards. I had spent Oct-Dec practicing, perfecting my dances. To have all that effort, that work in one night was very depressing. But I was so happy afterwards, so happy. The song above will remind me of multicultural, especially the night show. It was the song for PIC's hula dance. It really reminded me how this is the last multicultural for me.

This year I am Asian Club secretary. Last year I just participated in the Asian Club couple dance and I choreographed the Korean fan dance with Michelle. This year, I choreographed the Korean fan dance again. However this year was even harder. Last year, I only had eight girls in my dance and it was a less than 2 minute dance, but still we tried hard and did well. This year we had a 2:38 song and 22 GIRLS!! It was freaking crazy. Originally I wanted probably 16 girls. I was worried I would not get enough girls but over 24 girls signed up. But in the end, I got 22 girls who performed. It was so stressful, so hectic, and crazy. Coming up with choregraphy for 22 girls throughout a whole song was crazy. I think I've watched every single Korean fan dance video on youtube to for inspiration. I didn't want to use the typical Korean fan moves so we even came up with our own. Luckily I have creative friends. Tiffany, Mimi, Michelle, Maggie, and Hanh helped out a lot. But in the end, I was responsible for everything. And last year we didnt have time for costumes because we had to do the dance in a quick two weeks but this year I WANTED TO HAVE COSTUMES. I stressed so much for costumes. We bought material, got the jackets, sashes, and bows made and bought skirts. The jackets had to be sewn and it was stressful to try and get people to get them sewn. We bought skirts online and they didnt come in until the DAY BEFORE the performance (I had guesstimate the girls size too).

The night before dress rehersal (on a thursday, the day before the actual performance), I realized I was short THREE JACKETS so I had to go to my friend's house in the middle of the night and sew three jackets and we had no idea how to make it because our aunts' had done it so we had to figure it out from the jacket samples. It was crazy. But in the end, the costumes came through.

Luckily during rehersals our dances came out good, but my brother's ninja dance was horrible unorganized so the night before the performance, I stayed at school until 7:30 pm to make sure they had it down and it would look good. I did not want all my hard work to go down the drain if my brother's ninja dance made our club look horrible. I prayed so hard when they performed, but they pulled through. They really did their job.

The day before the performance, I had a breakdown at school. It was horrible. I have never cried before at school but I did that day. And the night before (when i had to make those jackets) I had a mini breakdown at home too. The stress was too much. But I felt happy after it so it is good to break down once in awhile.

Fashion Show;
Korean, Thai/Lao, Vietnamese, Hmong


Asian Club repping.


Asian Club Picture


My senior girls;
Michelle, Adrienne, Maggie, Tiffany, Me, Hanh the Blowfish


Most of my fan girls


Our last multicultural :(


Me and my family

And now to see our beautiful performances.
I mixed ALL the songs for the three performances







I am proud, I really am. All the tears, the stress, the anger, etc, was really worth it. Even if I failed two tests that week, it was worth it in the end.

If anyone wants us to perform for them even if it is on a random street, WE WILL!!

--ck.

blue days; gray sweaters?

days are getting super cold. but today i was extremely hot in my dad's old sweater. i actually felt a little self-conscious, because the sweater was eating me, but i guess i got over it. honestly, i really think that i need to go shopping for winter clothes. i've been wearing the same things every week, because i may have a lot of clothes, but i have nothing that i actually want to wear anymore (which also keeps me warm)! time for... some thrifting. especially since christmas is around. but times are tough.

so update? well, i sent in my uc college apps over thanksgiving break: uc berkeley, uc davis, uc santa cruz, uc santa barbara. i'm still debating whether or not i should apply to stanford, but i have a strong feeling that i'll just go for it :) aside from all that stuff, i've just been shuffling with school. i have to go write an essay on whether or not the bill of rights are above politics, so i'm just making a short and simple post!

au revior,
PACHIA

turkey weekend.

I AM SO SAD MY BREAK IS ENDING SOON. :( I need more time. I have loads of hw to finish. I will never be caught up. I will try and hang by a thread until winter break. But I have accomplished one thing, UC and CSU APPLICATIONS DONNNNE!! Yeah, now on to private schools >___<. Today we went to the grave to visit my grandma, haven't seen her grave in over a year. I don't know why but my mom wanted to take pictures by her grave. Strange. Then we went thrifting nearby. We got some good winter stuff.

That fat roly poly I am holding is my little sister, Sophie.

My sister found some awesome textured tights.
They were pretty old school, but really pretty.
I am always wary of textured tights in case they look hoeish :]



I like grandma cardigans.



I love this shirt. I cut the shoulder pads out of it.
The color is such a vibrant purple.





My sister and I have a fetish for military style jackets.
Especially over girly skirts.



My mom found some cool 99 cent leather wallets.



What I wore today. I look like a retard.



Pretty details of the dress.



My blue tights & my reddish orange carpet.
They do not keep me warm.

So I found the CUTEST HAT for Sophie.
We had to buy it.
She looked delicious in it.



SHE IS SO PRECIOUS WHEN SHE SMILES.
she is a munchkin evil monkey though, really.
babies are only angels in front of their mothers and fathers,
in front of others (like their older sisters, they are a holy terror)

At Thanksgiving, all the little girls were fighting over Sophie. They acted like she was a play doll. Even when Sophie was being fussy and pulled their hair, one girl said "Oh she likes me, she wants me to be her sister". It was so cute.

Kids are so cute.

--ck.

things that make me cry

I've been watching/reading a lot of things in class lately and maybe I am just uber depressed and emotional with all the stress of college apps going on, my ap classes, school in general (senioritis!!), multicultural (next week!!!!), work, family, etc. and so I get teary eyed a lot.

EDWARD SCISSORHANDS

It doesn't help that I had just finished reading Frankenstein for AP Language before seeing this movie. I have never seen Edward Scissorhands but the teacher I TA for was gone for two days so we watched Edward Scissorhands for her class. I just felt sooo sad for him afterwards, the loneliness. :( And how he only got to experience love for such a little time. I wanted to cry very bitterly.

FRANKENSTEIN

I was super depressed after this book. Again I felt very sorry for how lonely Frankenstein's monster must have felt after he woke up and his own creator did not greet him, did not love him. It wasn't his fault he did not know how to deal with emotions and acted in violence. It was Dr. Frankenstein's FAULT!!! I think Mary Shelley's feminist point of view is that if Dr. Frankenstein had been a woman, he would have taken care of his monster like a mother to a child, and would not have abandoned it! Only a mother can love a child that looks like a monster!

Freedom Writers

This was a pretty good movie. Kind of typical at some points, I was surprised no one died or got shot but overall I think it is so cool how it is a true story. Funny, the teacher in Freedom Writers is called Ms. G, and the teacher I TA for who is one of my favorite teachers is also called Ms. G, and she is just as awesome as the lady in Freedom Writers. She really is one of those teachers to inspire and make you want to do well. I got teary-eyed at the ending. I love happy endings.

Pride and Prejudice

So we are reading it for AP Language. I read it back in sophomore year but I didn't appreciate the high fluent language and the British sarcasm like I do now. Plus I spark noted half of it. But this time I read the whole thing and it was fabulous. AND THE MOVIE IS AWESOME!!! HOT ROMANCE. I cried for joy after finishing the book. It really is one of the best romance novels. Although I was deeply annoyed with Elizabeth and all her feminist sarcasm, she got some sense in the end. We started the movie before we left for turkey break and when Mr. Darcy confessed his love, all the girls screamed haha. It was quite amusing.

WE GOT MARRIED

I AM SO MAD ALL MY FAVORITE COUPLES ARE LEAVING. I am so bitter and sad. I know it is just a reality show and it is all fake, but I know there are some real emotions in there. I cried when Andy and Solbi left. I was depressed when Alex and Shinae left. WHAT NEXT!?!? The lettuce couple --Hwangbo and HyunJoong :(

I need to start reading or watching things that make me happy.
I also cry over this.

BECAUSE HIS FACE IS SO PERFECT.
sigh. jang guen suk <33333.

-CK

SATURDAYS to myself

just to fill you in, i hate sad movies. especially sad romance movies. they're so saaaaad! i just watched Atonement and poured my eyes out. it was such a freaking good movie--although i'm sure the book is way better. ahhh, i dont want to say anything, and spoil it for those who haven't seen it yet-- but i can't believe he diesssssss! aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i hate sad movies, they're just too freaking gooood and saaad.

... but on a more sane and happier note, james mcavoy is really such a hottie. Becoming Jane, which i'm also freaking in love with, was amazing because james was incredibly sexy in his tight outfits. and omg that accent is to killll for. ahhhh.. i shouldnt be talking about this on here because tommy will read it and get extremely jealous. he gets jealous a lot about my fancies for english accents and patrick dempsey as well, who i've got to say is the hottest older man i've ever seen. yeah, i haven't been posting much about it, but i've developed quite a few hollywood crushes this past month :) i miss being a crazy fan-girl.


for the past few days it's been so nice and sunny! sadly today it's sprinklin' and once again, muggy. i woke up today feeling like it was time to eat some really good soup, so i whipped something up with the help of the handy-dandy foodnetwork.com! i was supposed to use frozen pureed winter squash for the base of the soup, but i didnt have any, so i went into the backyard and picked a pumpkin to use instead. it was reallly good. i changed it up a bit and used, baby bokchoi and pork instead of baby spinach and chicken, but still it was good and my siblings loooved it! i'm proud :) because i made it from scratch!!! and although it took me two hours to make, instead of the 15 minutes it was supposed to take, i had to cook and then puree that big pumpkin all by myself! so i guess it's justified.





okay so i have to run because my aunt just called me, and she's picking me up soon for stockton new years tomorrow. my grandpa's funeral is next week. my mom wants me to make a slideshow. it's all very weird, but i 'm just not quite sure how to cope with this. i'll post when i have something interesting to say!

sunset glooow.

I hate to overshadow Pachia's wonderful post below, but just wanted to post a couple things.
I've been having big fatty headaches about stress. So trying to de-stress and talk about misc. before I go and write an essay for AP Lit.

So, THE US IS REMAKING MY NAME IS KIM SAM SOOON!?!?!!? NOOO. This new update has astounded me. I think it could turn out all right since the drama could be played to a more Westernized twist. I am just sad it would get remade. Apparently NBC is going to tackle it. Good old memories eh Pachia? Watching Kim Sam Soon in Pachia's bedroom when we were like in 8th grade. Have the years really gone by that fast?

This song makes me happy. New Big Bang album out, whooot. When I feel down, I listen to this happy song.

Nothing much, just posting for a hi-ho.

--christina.

i told you change was good.

OBAMA GRABS HEADLINES!
(as well as) credits to huffingtonpost.com

with every victory comes defeat.
11/06/08 rip grandpa, i'll love you forever.

-PACHIA