lately!

i've been really frustrated, lately. i've been getting really ticked off easily, lately. i've been getting easily emotional, lately. i've been entirely out of it, lately. oh my goodness world, i think i'm in an another strange emo phase!

today i did horrible on my debate in literature. i don't want to go into details, because it was just that bad! it was so embarassing and it was all my fault. i swear, there just must be something wrong with class. i mean, i've done pretty well with a lot of my presentations throughout the year in other classes-- but every single presentation i've had to do in that class has just been a failure! really, i wish all we ever had to do in there was just to write essays. then i'd have an A! and i wouldn't have to worry so much anymore.

i totally agree with ck's post below about college... but i know that since everyone's competitive about it, even if at this moment i'm saying to myself its okay to not get into a UC, i know that that's what i'm going to be striving for, and if i dont get in i will simply be crushed. like today. with my debate. the debate was just all bad. so humiliating. i feel like such a failure! i let myself down, and it sucks. it was like a low-blow to maa face. yeah, i'm a little crushed about it. je suis un petit triste. i feel like giving up even more now. i dont know, i'm just "emo" right now and very vulnerable, so please be nice to me for a while.

i can't think of anything that can make me happy. or completely happy. i'm just feeeling very blaaah right now. stupid school. STUPID SCHOOOL!

ahhhhhhsdg. too many problems in the world. i can't even keep up with my own problems! how can i keep up with problems in the world right now. ahhhhhh. i need to get myself togetherrr!

i miss this friend i have in canada named Mayon. haha. that silly guy. i havent been on aim in forever, and therefore i havent talked to him in forever!

i want go shopping. but i have no money. it's okay though, i don't NEED to go shopping. everybody's freaking out about money, and really, i'm okay with everything i've got. clothes have actually kinda drifted out of my mind.

okay i need to make myself a list of important things to do! that i keep forgetting to do. maybe it'll help.

THINGS TO DO BEFORE THE END OF APRIL!

1. Study for AP Physics Test
2. Read the SATs Book
3. DO PRE-CALCULUS HOMEWORK!
4. Finish freaking "ON THE ROAD" so you can truly complete your junior project!
5. Make Robyn a phone case for her Voyager.
6. Plan the Summer trip
7. If you cannot plan the Summer trip, ask someone else to plan it.
8. Call RAINBOWS studio to schedule a family picture this weekend.
9. CALL CK!
10. SLEEP!
11. Be nicer to siblings and parents and family and people!
12. Chill out, pleasee.
13. Do your homework in general.

whoever came up with these glasses? and how did kanye rocking them make them so big? ahh it doesnt matter, because i actually wouldn't mind getting my hands on one of them. that'd make me happy actually! (so nvm, i guess materialism does fix everything!)

^__^ P-A-C-H-I-A!

nooooo. my break is ending.

WHY OH WHY DOES SPRING BREAK LAST A WEEK? I am dreading the end of this weekend. Back to school and we HAVE FINALS. How horrible is that. Augh. Life is becoming sucky after such a beautiful week. I have a pile of homework to do and I am dreading to do it. I have to clean my room too. This is why I hate SUNDAYS!!!!

So I have wasted the last two days with this:

I am usually pretty late with social networks. I usually refuse to get them but I eventually give in. Whatever. Facebook is pretty okay. I just enjoy having superpoke wars. But now I am already bored with it. But I regret getting it after this break. Because I will probably end up hours on it along with myspace and soompi and not do my homework. You horrible people who make these addicting social networks and forums. YOU RUIN LIVES. Think of the grades that have lowered because of your addicting website. I think I have gotten steadily worse in school ever since I discovered the wonders of the internet back in sixth grade. All the hours I wasted not studying. Wish I could have slapped myself back then. Don't you just hate yourself when you realize how stupid you were a couple years ago and how you could have benefited yourself now if you have changed stupid habits like that. Yes I know that is confusing but you get the jist right.

Yesterday I spent an hour trying to fix the vacumn with my brother. I broke the vacumn, I don't know how but it broke. Well we were able to unscrew stuff and figure out what made it work and we fixed it. I was very happy to fix it. I felt so accomplished. Maybe I can even be an engineer. Yeah right. Well I went to Borders and I decided to buy two new books. AP PREP BOOKS. WHOOT. :(
Who the hell models for these books? I bet they have never taken an AP test in their life because YOU WOULDNT WANT TO MODEL FOR THESE BOOKS. Though I do life how culturally accurate they make these AP prep books by trying to promote diversity with covers with different ethnicities. I bet so that way those white supremist kids can say "ill buy the prep book with the white kid on the cover because it is better". Well I do thank the people who write these prep books because all the ap procastinators in the world would not be able to survive without them. Or else we would just have to read our textbooks. And that would suck. Though I can proudly say I read 95% of my AP US history textbook. And I am very proud to say I read like 96% of my AP World History textbook (except I skipped all the crappy inset pages). The AP World book was horrible and I cannot believe a college student can read it let alone a little sophmore like me last year. Sigh the things we do to get into college. I am sure there are kids out there sacrificing a limb or two for the college they want to get into. I am horrified at the college application system and all the greedy middlemen involved in the process. We have to at least pay like $60 for a freaking application even if we don't get into the college. How sucky is that. Very sucky. It is already horrible enough that our parents save since we are born for our college education, they get broke the first year we get into college. Well that is what student loans are for rightttt? Yep, the minute I get out of college and get into the workforce, I have to pay for the stupid ass degree that I worked my ass for. And for some people, they can't even get a decent job with their degree. They end up working at Verizon or for their parents' restaurants/dry cleaners (yes I know people who have ended up like this). Is this what America was made for?

So I read a book at Borders today (well I skimmed) about baby boomers and their good deeds and how so many of them are becoming philanthropists and the first page was on congratulating on the baby boomers for being alive for so damn long and for realizing that they are alive and kicking and they want to keep working. And it went on to talk about how the baby boomers were realizing all the problems in the world and they wanted to "fix them" like global warming and genocide and war in IRAQ. Well thanks baby boomers but you guys pretty much caused those freaking problems for us, generation X and Y. So it has been raining a lot in the mid-west states and why? BECAUSE OF GLOBAL WARMING. Yes weird weather patterns = global warming. Well Hanh told me a couple days ago that apparently all the baby boomers are asking for their social security money NOW (because they raised the age up and the economy is getting pretty bad) and they are all getting it this year. So pretty much the social security fund is pretty dried up. Great so probably I will be working until like 90 years old if I live that long. But I mean you can't live on social security alone for retirement, that is why I see like 50 year olds working at Walmart because the cost of living is not going to covered by social security and retirement alone.

Yeah and to complain about the education system in CALIFORNIA. So the budget has been cut again by Mr. GOVERNATOR. Yes and my english ap teacher told my class she spends at least a couple $1000s on just her classes alone for PAPER and other supplies. It is pretty ridiculous. And the governor tried to pass a univeral health care proposal for California? Screw universal health care, we need to educate the people first. My school is not that poor but even we are suffering under the budget cuts. Now think about the schools who are totally below welfare zones. Those kids have no opportunity and nowadays the only way to get into a REAL college is through aps, sat scores and extracurriculars and all of those add up with MONEY. And the UCs are raising tuitions like crazy and raising the bar on the percentage of applicants. UC Davis = school that most people at my school dont want to go to because it is so close to home only accepted 5% of their applicants THIS YEAR! WTF. Everyone go apply to UC Berkley next year so I can be like the only one to apply to davis. Maybe that will give me a better chance. I hate how everyone applies to 20 colleges that they don't even care about just to see if they "get in". It is a waste of MONEY and it is unfair for the kids who apply to FIVE college because they really want those FIVE colleges. And end up getting into ZERO while those kids with their 5.6 GPAS get into ALL 20. Life is unfair. Yes it is.

And my rant about life is over. Back to thinking about doing my synthesis essay.
So where has PACHIA been? She needs to update .

--CHRISTINA